Friday, October 03, 2008


Kirsty Brooks

The metrosexual male is a fascinating beast, even if only to himself. No matter what gender, it's always going to be a bonus if you're slim, trim and good-looking. Some people just need to work harder at it than others. And the focus on beauty products and fashion for the male heterosexual has become a booming market.

But no matter what gender, a bloated self-interest will always eventually be irritating, no matter how pretty the package. I've successfully cocked up relationships with macho guys, suave young hipsters, sensitive snags and nerds, but no matter their choice in style, the essential issues is that whoever you’re having a relationship with, you don’t want to fight over who gets to wear the Saba jumper. You’ve got better things to do, like take off the jumper in order to have lots of the sex.

I know some girls who think the perfect man would be a gay guy who's still wildly attracted to them. I can see their point. On paper, gay men have all the qualities; style, humour, a great sense of fun, but ultimately, those attributes are clichés. If you buy into that you also get vanity and that struggle over the jumper

The poster boys for metrosexuality, David Beckham, Mark Wahlberg, Ian Thorpe, are just three guys in the limelight where there are millions struggling with similar pressures to be successful at work while cooking like Jamie Oliver, dressing like George Clooney and making love like Hugh Hefner, but are these realistic expectations? Probably not, but then most women don’t really expect all that (with the possible exception of Posh Spice) because they know how hard it is to maintain all of that and still look shaggable.

So are today’s single girls really looking for someone who can compete with them for the space in the cabinet as well as in the bathroom? Last Saturday night, in Adelaide’s ski lodge theme club complete with reindeer horns, I spoke to a handful of women who spent their time between drinks lamenting the lack of gentlemen in their lives. There was no mention of the lack of men who know how to be gentle to their follicles. If we’re throwing around terms, how about retrosexuality?

How to be suave, cool, respectful, strong and woo the ladies? I’d put my casino chips on retrosexuality. I’d bet that if you ran a poll, there would be more women out there who’d rate good manners over good skin care. Just look at Tony Bennett.

Mark Wahlberg can only dream of such celebrity longevity and respect. So when you’re jostling with your partner for the best spot in front of the mirror, remember this, vanity never looked good on anyone.


Blogger Ariad said...

Haha I like it. ou have a way with words.

8:34 pm, October 03, 2008  
Blogger Princess Nessy said...

For that matter KB, what happened to traditional "manly" men who peer under car bonnets, take out the rubbish and own a tool kit? I'd much rather trade in a hair-free back for a man with a screwdriver ;)

8:09 pm, January 12, 2009  
Anonymous Kirsty said...

I love those guys! Except the ones with a ute with stickers that say 'Fat Chicks, shoot 'em, don't r**t 'em' (truely I've seen these. I kicked the tyre in a fury but I wished i had known how to vandalise a car quickly and subtely. Now I know to remove the radiator cap, or cut a certain wire, but then, well, that's just poor form, surely... (she says unconvinced).
Anyway, I have three toolkits, I love hammering and using a staple gun but I'm still learning to use a drill. My favourite bit of all work, however, is the salvage work - smashing things. In the holidays I fixed my garage and knocking down the dreadful old lattice stuff that was there, i got to smash things up thinking of boys who had done me wrong. Most satisfying.
Urgh! A stinking hot day here in Adelaide... All the better to write this next chapter that's been niggling me all morning. Crap, I forgotten my blogger password. My fault for working until 2 last night, I guess.

12:51 pm, January 13, 2009  

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